#like dude youre not my only class!!!!
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Honestly the worst thing about being raised by and around professors is that I can't really do the whole students bitching about professors thing even when I mostly agree with it, because my whole life I have been hearing the professor's side of the story. Every time someone talks about how ridiculous mandatory attendance or participation is there's a part of me that starts loudly protesting about how actually being in class is really important for learning, and it must be so hugely frustrating for the professor when students just don't show up to your class half the time and then when they do show up they're playing sudoku on their computer.
#dylan says things#and I say this as someone who historically has not been great about attendance due to things both in and outside of my control#and I know disabilities are a factor for a lot of people and I'm not saying they shouldn't be accommodated.#but I've had professors who have done truly so much to make it possible to attend their class. like you can go in person and on zoom#and a lotta wiggle room for making up missed classes#and people will still complain about it#and most of the time these things are only like 5-10% of your grade#and at a certain point it's like dude you're literally paying to go to school#and now you're complaining that you have to go to school and do school things#if you stop giving them all your money they will stop asking you do the thing you're paying to do#and again I am not exempt from this getting to my morning class is fucking impossible a lot of the time#and that sudoku thing in the main post was absolutely a self-callout#but like. idk. Professors are not evil they are people who are trying to do their jobs#anyways. I think I often find that my attitude towards academia is not aligned with my friends#like sometimes people will tell me that it doesn't really matter that much as long as i graduate#and I understand the sentiment and largely agree with it but also at the end of the day I want to like. Learn stuff and do good work#anyways. sorry for my weird rambling i just have a lot of thoughts about university that i never really share with anyone
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Is this fanfic friendly? I feel like an outlier.
I guess this is my sign it's time to throw together a FAQ post to link to lol.
Yes, every event for this blog is fanfic friendly :D
Though as I mentioned on my Ominous October post, for events that include multiple short stories, I encourage everyone to flex their creativity and take one of their planned short story fanfics, and at least *attempt* to turn one of them into something entirely original; rebuilding a character and story from the ground up to stand on its own two legs is no easy feat, and that is what makes it so fun!
It really gets your creative gears turning, to make an "au of an existing material" to be something entirely original, and you can be pleasantly surprised about the things you come up with!
As a few people say, its not just a matter of "filing the serial numbers off" -- you have to add in just as much *or more* as what you take out when you are turning a fanfiction into something that is original and completely divorced from its original source material / inspiration, and that is a hard, but very rewarding challenge!
Obviously, this is not a requirement (there's no hard requirements for any of the challenges, other than no cheating, including no using AI),
but if you would like an extra challenge for the short story events and you're planning on doing entirely fan-fiction, I highly recommend trying it out at least once, and seeing where it leads you--
you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by what you find down that rabbit hole!
#replies#novella november#long rambly tags to follow lol#including anti royalist / anti billionaire shit#ominous october#this is what my novella november is going to be#something that WAS a huge earth-shattering fanfic AU#but before I even got past a WIP Oneshot I'd already realized that what I was planning was going to turn canon so far on its head it would#be unrecognizable and it would be much better off and more coherent if I made it entirely original#so now it is!#not only does this involve changing every single characters name#everyone is now a completely different species other than human because thats always fun#and of course we're also tackling all the issues that had annoyed me in omega verse fics since I was like 14 and liked the#creature aspects but hated the biological essentialism and misogny / caste systems#if your fantasy people have an enforced caste system you gotta actually treat that like the horror and systemic oppression it is#not just say 'biological = right' like dude what do you think people have been saying about real women this whole time????#people literally insist women are biologically inferior to men do you really think supporting that idea is going to make you sound#progressive just because your main character is a tomboy independant woman?#also like she lost all her independence as soon as she found a man to marry so uhhhhh#what happened to being ready and willing to hit the bricks if people kept talking down to you and condescending you for being a woman????#why did you go from independant badass tomboy to fainting damsel who spends all her time worrying about failing to produce an heir#so her husband can take power#instead of just straight up telling your husband#'hey I don't want to deal with the bullshit from your father how about we do the-#- socially acceptable thing and just go off to make our own independant settlement with some of the villagers who are on your side'#like your husband would literally be escstatic about this idea of finally getting out from under his dad's tyrannical thumb#and its more like way more than half the villagers would go with you not just a handful#theyve been sick of the kings shit for years and only your husband's potential rise to rule kept them in check#cus he actually cares about the villagers and goes among them#while still clearly having some biases to work through when it comes to class and gender equality
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I know it's been a few years since I've run my own dog training business instead of working for someone else for exploitation wages and that previously I was working in the rural south where prices are a bit different in general, but out of curiosity I decided to look at some dog training services in my area in upstate NY today and got hit with sticker shock ngl.
Most places don't post their prices so I could only compare a few (which... I sort of get since they want to avoid competition doing what I'm doing right now lol but as someone who has run a dog training business and had business marketing included in my education it's something I see as an... *interesting* choice, because most clients want to know price up front without having to contact you and wait for a response because they probably already have a budget in mind and just want to be able to quickly see if you fit into it or not, which means not having prices posted will make some potential clients immediately look elsewhere and if you don't even have some sort of price range for services posted somewhere then most of your calls and emails will just be people asking for pricing and a majority of those calls and emails will not lead to services purchased so it ends up wasting a lot of unpaid time on office work BUT THATS AN UNRELATED TOPIC, I DIGRESS) but WOWZA the ones that did have prices posted really made me realize I do NOT live in a low cost of living place anymore.
One of the popular places here that I looked at charges $150+ for ONE training session with one of their APPRENTICE trainers. It's double that price to train with one of their more experienced dog trainers for just one session.
I looked back at some of the trainers I was competing with back in FL and NC to compare as well as the dog training school I went to just to check and see if prices were getting that high in other rural areas, and nope. Most places $300 would still get you at least three - maybe up to six - private lessons spread out over three (or six, or whatever) weeks, which is the pricing range I'm used to seeing dog trainers in the rural south suffer with because of places like Petsmart setting the pricing bar so low.
I'm pretty sure I have more formal dog training education and certification than most of the employees at this place too since even their main "behaviorist" (not a protected title in the USA so anyone can call themselves that) has no certifications listed at all that I can find, so... I guess now that I live here if I ever start training again I'm going to have to rethink my pricing lol even if I don't charge those kinds of prices I clearly still need to bump them up in this area from what I used to charge in order to be competitive with these other training businesses.
#pricing too low compared to competition is a business killer btw#another think i learned in my marketing classes#most people buying dog training are wealthier#not necessarily rich but... not poor#and although id love to offer sliding scale for low income clients if i ever do training on my own again#your normal prices being too low WILL turn away those clients who are higher income#cuz EVEN IF IT'S NOT ACTUALLY TRUE higher class members of our society have a subconscious idea that price often = quality for services#I KNOW I KNOW I did not believe this either straight out of school and underpriced my services still anyway despite being taught that#because it did not make sense to my poor person brain to assume that wealthier people think like that#but i learned very quickly after having a couple of wealthier people literally LAUGH at my pricing#or make weird faces and say “that's it?'#the first dude who laughed at my pricing actually gave me a tip that doubled my price for his services every time i worked for him#and another regular of mine often left me envelopes of cash because she said she felt bad that i was charging so little#and that it actually made her second guess hiring me at first#SO JUST TAKE THE ADVICE AND CHARGE WHAT IS COMPETITIVE IN YOUR AREA AT LEAST INSTEAD OF TRYING TO UNDERCUT COMPETITION#or compete with the big chains DEAR GOD DO NOT TRY TO COMPETE WITH THE BIG TRAINING CHAINS PRICE WISE FOR YOUR OWN MENTAL HEALTH#you will burn yourself out and make yourself hate dog training if you try to compete at their exploitation prices#at the least price around what other people who are NOT working for chains in the area do#and ideally price what you think would make you feel like your time and labor is being adequately compensated#which means enough to afford to live and afford to pay for things like health insurance as an independent contractor#and have enough left over for some QOL stuff and to put some into savings for emergencies or slow periods for your work#a lot of people working with animals ridiculously undercharge and then end up screwing themselves over mentallt and physically#anyway this post and the tags are long enough and i could rant about pricing and fair wages forever so im done now lol#just reeling a little at the idea of charging $300 for a single dog training lesson and that PEOPLE HERE ARE PAYING THAT#THAT PLACE IS POPULAR AND SUCCESSFUL#they do not pay their trainers that much though lmfao they make only like $6 over minimum wage OF COURSE#which I know because I got into this pricing deep dive after seeing multiple of their job listings because they're hiring right now#i hate business owners that do pricing vs employee pay so differently like that they are honest to god EVIL that is exploitation
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Best thing about being a Scooby Doo fan: you can meet some of the nicest people with some really cool ideas and hcs, there's such an abiding love for the franchise, which on its own is just AMAZING, such a wealth of content to dive into, and I haven't even gotten into the fan REDESIGNS and aus and-
Worst thing about being a Scooby Doo fan: people irl in public will come up to you with some of the worst Scooby takes ever (Scrappy found dead in Miami, SDMI revolutionized animation, etc.) and you have to restrain yourself from getting into a fistfight with some rando acquaintance/friend-of-a-friend in public ALL THE TIME 💀
#THERES NO WAY THIS ONLY HAPPENS TO ME RIGHT#its constanttttt ughhhh#james gunn i fucking hate you this is all your fault 🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡#not the sdmi stuff but the REST#there should be a jail sentence for scooby crimes i SWEAR#also this one dude today UGHHHHHHHU#ive never even seen him before (apparently hes been in my math class this year?) but with all the seniors gone (save me bc i love a party)#there was like 5 ppl in math today (4 of them good friends of mine) and this dude would NOT let up with the scrappy sucks sdmi is awesome bs#like i was just like no i disagree with you every time he brought it up but like UGH.#i think scrappy got a bad lot and deserves a chance to be the best he can be and sdmi is personally unwatchable to me because of how mean#they are to each other/the relationship drama plots. whats not to get we dont need to keep hashing this#i didn't make it a big thing though bc i didn’t want to start stuff but ugh#the only ppl allowed to make fun of scrappy around me are my besties and even theyre on thin ice so like watch it bub#blah#scooby doo
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#i want to discuss problems w soc media activism but the irony of getting dogpiled by soc media activists will be too annoying to bear lol#anyway it seems like social media only draws attention to problems that westerners think they can solve by posting on their instagram story#but raising social awareness only works for social issues. tangible issues require lots of work and money over a long period of time#meanwhile financial systems/systems of power are getting further and further out of general society’s control#there are dudes (one guy. just one man.) with more money and assets than entire nations#none of this is to say that raising awareness is bad or ineffective but it gives ppl a false sense of security#like i’ve done my part 🧍♀️👍 i changed my instagram profile picture! the world is saved#nah girl…. you gotta put your money where your mouth is. oh you don’t have money? me neither. don’t be surprised when nothing changes#social media is trash. now class warfare on the other hand…. now we’re cookin#soc media is rich in words but poor in actions. everyone’s a preacher but who’s collecting alms?#my eternal gratitude to everyone taking thankless actions#rant
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i hate privileged people <3
#jiraiblogging#landmine kei#jiraiblr#jirai kei#landmineblr#only the ones that act so fucking superior tho#or the ones that think they have soooo many more issues#like no#youre rich#youre spoilt#everyone cares for you#everyone in my entrepreneurship class is doing mental health issues for their business#im like dude do you guys know what youre talking about???#maybe im being absurd here
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Ugh.
#wow.#I should not be mad at my ex-best friend rn but#already he’s acknowledged my sister#who isn’t even in the same class as him#more than he acknowledged me in the first two months when we SHARED A CLASS#UGH#feeling really hurt rn why is he like this#I probably shouldn’t be surprised but#come on dude#you’ve talked to my sister more than me#the only time you’ve talked to me since graduation was to invite me to your birthday party which I couldn’t make it to because work#(not that I know if I would’ve wanted to go anyways. it probably would have been awkward cause he probably invited my ‘replacement’)#silver rambles#vent
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can I please stop having weird dreams? thanks
#ex highschool 'friend'/classmate making fun of me not graduating university yet and me reacting with violence#participated in big brother with some dude that supposedly was my boyfriend and got backstabbed by him then allied with another dude +#who looked like a certain actor and flirted until we got eliminated only for him to kiss another woman while we were saying our goodbyes +#and then tell me to call him and wink at me but i didn’t even have his number??#meeting some of the mutuals in switzerland but y'all's faces were your profile pictures and you had random bodies assigned#going to a very hidden coffee shop where i hit it off with a cute girl while we were buying tea leaves then realized we had already met +#before covid and we paid for our tea with pages from our sketchbooks and we realized we had a lil group of friends with another girl +#then i went to an art class in a building and had to leave early because it was 12pm and i called my ma through a ring projection device +#went to the same building the next day and joined a paranormal haunt investigation (it was alright) and the other girl was there too +#and i went to the building the next day because i forgot a pair of sheer black thighs and she was just leaving so we went back inside and +#got assigned a room that was haunted haunted so i protected her from the ghost that was yanking her hair and got offered a chance at being +#possesed by a ghost which i obviously took and it sent me flying through the air :) the room got recorded for psychological evaluation tho
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@motsimages tagged me in for 10 songs 10 people, mil gracias :)
these are random songs from my most played playlist, hope you like them!
i'll also add some lyrics just for fun lol
te quiero porque te quiero (fandangos) by rozalén ft. rodrigo cuevas
te quiero porque te quiero / cuando paso por tu puerta / cuando paso por tu puerta / cojo pan y voy comiendo
6 AM by ginebras
¿cómo olvidarme de los días / en un bar de la latina / y del latero que hace música al pasar? ¿de influencias modernistas y mareas / feministas / si en el fondo no lo he pasado tan mal?
el cielo son los otros by confeti de odio
solo estoy contento cuando algo a mi alrededor / me distrae del hecho de que sigo siendo yo
la posada by sebastián cortés ft. alba reche
me enseña to' lo que hay por descubrir / no' miramos de cerquita pa' sentir / to' lo que nos queda, to' lo que nos queda / por vivir
tanguillo de la guapa de cádiz by lola flores
¡y desí que yo tengo postiso! / comprobadlo, tenéis mi permiso, / pasarme la mano, / vamo a vé si encontráis miraguano, / serrín o viruta; / que me toque una mano inocente.
que pasa nen by alizz
però em sento la chanel, català de segona / burguesia intel·lectual podeu menjar-me la poll-
a ver qué pasa by rigoberta bandini
y a ver qué pasa / porque algo pasa / creo que algo pasa / cuando me pasa
desastre de persona by ginebras ft. dani martín
dices que quieres ir al cine / por parecer que eres intelectual / y ya te has puesto quince alarmas / porque mañana tienes que trabajar
adiós by zahara
dedícame mi canción de despedida / y dedícame tu canción de despedida / ¿cómo has tenido valor de hacer una canción de amor?
esa también fui yo (quiero acordarme) by alba reche
me forzaron a querer dentro de una habitación / aún me culpo al dedicarte toda una puta canción
and i tag @naguaraquerandom @alicechesire @sarcasmisalifechoice @eskamtrash @skamesp @rosalia-de-castro @glittertrail @claimedbytheearth @looselysealedkrypton @andalusi
#tag game#i didn't realise i had so many spanish songs in there lol#anyways i'll use the tags for english translations <3#1. i love you because i love you (fandangos)#i love you because i love you / when i walk by your door / when i walk by your door / i take some bread and eat it#2. 6 am#how could i forget those days / in a bar in la latina / and the tinsmith that makes music as he walks by?#modernist influences and feminist marches / in the end it wasn't that bad?#3. heaven is the others#i'm only happy when something around me / distracts me from the fact i'm still me#4. the inn#(they) teach me everything that has yet to be discovered / we don't look (at each other) closer to feel / everything that's left for us#everything that's left for us / to live#5. tanguillo of the beauty of cádiz#and you say they (my tits) are not real! / check them i'll allow it / rub the hand (on them) / let's see if you find a palm tree#sawdust or chips; / let an innocent hand touch me#6. what's up dude (i don't speak catalan so this translation might not be 100% accurate)#but i feel like chanel a second-class catalan / intellectual bourgeoisie you can suck my d-#7. let's see what happens#and let's see what happens / cause something is happening / i think something is happening / when it happens to me#8. human disaster#you say you want to go to the cinema / trying to look intelligent / but you have already set fifteen alarms up#cause you have work tomorrow#9. goodbye#dedicate my farewell song to me / dedicate your farewell song to me / how dare you write me a love song?#10. i am also her (i want to remember)#i was forced to love inside a room / i still blame myself for dedicating you a whole fucking song
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Living life yay huzzah yay
#a#I have beef with my school. am I happy here? absolutely. do I think we are beyond lame for not having an actual guy? 100%#letters don’t count!!!!!!!! having a capital letter for your school doesn’t count!!!!!!!!!!#like it’s not even a complete absence of a team no just like a silly little physical guy than runs across the field#and can be all cute on stuff on shirts and be stuffed animals it’s the marketing potential they’re missing out on#though I guess I’d rather have no physical dude than one which sucks complete ass I’m talking about pen state fuck that guy#I need to watch the gnomes again wait oh my fucking god I was thinking like damn I did the gnomeo juliet ace attorney moment#but my brain is knee deep in hellsing so idk how to connect them but bruh every piece of media has some form of rivals#I’m not emotionally invested in andercard but the idea of Catholic and Protestant gnomes is really funny#and they’re already British!! lovely!!! at some point in college I need to use gnomes for a grade I can’t let that be a high school only bit#did you know that gnomeo and Juliet is technically owned by Disney? add that to your marvel cinematic universe#oh gnomeo and Juliet poster we’re really in it now#did you know that the version of hello hello that’s in the movie featuring lady Gaga is not on streaming services? they take lady Gaga out#it’s really unfortunate the echos and duet aspect make the song it’s not just one or the other it’s Two Gnomes!!#have two exam grades back that I have not looked at out of fear#either they’ll be bad and I’ll watch hellsing to make myself feel better Or they’ll be good and I’ll watch hellsing as a reward#unrelated but it looks like a gutter on the other side of my dorm got busted and I’m trying to figure out if it’s always been like that#maybe it has and I’m not a gutter glorifier like I thought I was…. rip observational skills#I have a group project I have to work on and it’s evil I do not enjoy the class and it’s not very lgbt slay girlboss of me#but god dammit I am not filling out a fucking gender unicorn for your class that’s between me and my tumblr drafts from 2019#it gets a credit out of the way and I never have to take it again I am so strong#man what does it say about society that I’m more excited about Econ than wgs (it says nothing the Econ professor is just goofy and fun)#(also he does more than read off of slides and show those like buzzfeed social experiments)#but none of that is important since next week is when things get fucked and I’ll end up with more free time! yay strikes!!#update: made it back from project zone those fuckers held me hostage using social norms#it’s okay though I’m sooo strong and brave#talkingcore
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#no because my parents have always been so weird to me from a medical standpoint#or abusive? neglectful. I don't know what i could possibly call this but#my Nystagmus. barely doing any research WHEN THEY ARE DOCTORS it's not like they don't know how to look stuff up#barely giving me any information on it. which crashed badly a few years ago when the dude at one of those glasses shops got scared by not#being able to give me full vision which promoted my parents into bullying me about possibly going blind and trying to twist it into being#my phone's usage fault. when low and behold! we go to an actual doctor. my vision didn't increase or decrease much and she says that#Nystagmus cannot be 20/20 THEN MY MOM STILL TRIES TO PROVE IT'S THE PHONE'S FAULT#also how they treated my Lyme Disease when i was little but I'm not. talking about that publicly.#and the fact that they were completely obsessed with the idea that I'd have a speech impediment back in the day#which was probably caused by the fact my sibling was Learns Very Early How To Talk And Does It Really Well flavour of autistic and I was#Barely Talks Very Late And Badly flavour of autistic#which meant they would force speech classes down my throat and when the teachers would go 'Nothing actually wrong with this kid' they'd#send me somewhere else#also the constant 'If you don't learn to talk correctly everybody will think you're stupid and they won't talk to you' which ok. ableist.#anyway the 'speech impediment' was your average 4 y o cannot pronounce r which i got over and they were still turning my life into hell#over it years down the line which meant i was in middle school convinced i had a speech impediment which at that point#WOULD HAVE BEEN A HEALTH ISSUE BUT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT DO WE MOM/DAD#and i realised I don't only because my best friend went 'girl tf no you don't'#that is without to mention my father tried to ask me if i wanted surgery for my (inexistent) speech problem because he heard it fixed#someone else's kid problem#also in middle school i had some blood tests and they supposedly came back saying I'm anemic + i had strep but they didn't do anything#about that and at most blamed my anemia on my period which. i should probably get myself some bloodtests as an adult lol#then there is the one time they forced me to go to school with a mcfucking fever lol lmao#oh and also i would try to talk to them about these weird head tremors/seizures i have and they once again tried to blame it on my phone#only for my mom to see me having one recently and go 'oh yea lol i have them too it's normal' yes thank you /s#and they generally don't listen to me trying to sound the alarm about possible health issues i have unless my brother points them out...#aaaaand there is the entire shitshow they did to me when i was diagnosed with depression and put on pills#at least they are currently nicer about me saying i have autism but they didn't take me seriously at first neither...#egg.txt#vent
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I think if a tumblr user says anything about history they should include Chicago style citations in the post. This is also true for other areas of study but I don't really know much about those so I only get filled with a blind rage when history posts are wrong. So that's what we need to fix first. For me.
#This is also true of my own posts and it's literally why#I try to only put history stuff in the tags instead of in proper posts#(so if I am wrong misinformation doesn't spread) and when I do I try to cite where I hot my information from#As best I can without doxing myself#Ie most of my information about maritime history comes from my job not classes so I only say 'I work at a history museum'#Not the specific museum I got that information from because that's not safe imo#Otherwise I'll say 'I got this from class' or 'I got this from a research projim working on' or a documentary or a book or etc etc#And if I say something like that you can always send an ask or a dm and I'll give you my sources!#But I don't include that stuff in actual posts because I'm at a weird point in my education#Where I'm technically trusted as a source of information for some people (working at the museum) but I still don't have my bachelors let#Alone the masters so I really don't feel comfortable positioning myself as an expert because I'm certainly not one#Which is why it makes me so frustrated when people who obviously have way less training than me (which is difficult! Like I said I won't#Even finish undergrad until this spring!) position themselves as experts and then just fucking#Lie about a field I care deeply about#Like on top of everything else I'm going into public history so it's about to be my job to clean up your mess. What the hell dude#This isn't about any specific post or person just the general trend of misinformation on this site#There is worse misinformation I know but I also truly believe that know history is necessary to making informed decisions about the present#And when you're mistaken about history or even worse completely rewriting it... That's bad#General rule of thumb if a history 'fact' 100%#Reflects your world view with no issues it's probably propaganda or at least not the whole story. With very few exceptions.#To quote Oscar Wilde 'the truth is rarely pure and never simple'#I made a lot of typos here don't worry about it. You get it.
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I absolutely hate that i didn’t exchange numbers with somebody from high school bc of my jealous pos ex bf. Bc right now, this guy is STILL on my switch friend list (transferred from the 3ds one) and i have LITERALLY no way to contact him. I want to reconnect and play pokemon together... His name keeps popping up in the corner saying he’s playing scarlet too....
Now, i would have a way if gmail wasn’t like ‘yeah that was sent in 2016. there’s no way in hell I’m pulling that up’ even tho i remember his damn email and searched it specifically.
#taks speaks#this is a normal problem to have i think#but god. why did my ex have to be the one to be like 'uhhh no texting your male friends bc they all totally have a thing for you'#they didn't. for the record.#this guy did tho#it was obvious#super nerdy and tailed after me constantly bc i was the only one in class who would talk to him and let him ramble on about some game#like i'll listen to this guy talk about undertale for an hour over listening to those other kids talking shit about people#we were close until he went off to do his senior year at the local college#and after graduation. never saw him again.#shame tbh#i want to have my buddy back that i could just talk nerd shit to for hours at a time while everybody else was doing schoolwork#bc me and him sat at the lab tables in science to separate from others bc why not and finished way earlier than everybody#like dude. I FINALLY played undertale and deltarune. FIND YOUR WAY BACK HERE. COME ON#like. this is the one person that i was like 'i dont want to turn him down hes sweet' so i just didn't and let him go on with his life#but uh. i kinda want that sort of friend back now#if that whole thing comes up again then idk i'll figure out if and when#oh. it was also bc this boy didn't have a damn cell phone for some reason#was discord around in 2016. i dont think it was. but that would've been convenient
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a very select portion of personalities trigger my latent tsundere traits.
In reverse of the usual order, this feels all the worse if they are fictional.
#maybe because I am accustomed to acting against impulse with real people#so perhaps I channel away from my worst urges very rapidly with people- fast enough maybe that I rarely need to confront the impulse at all#but with fiction or any kind your reaction to them falls under your own scrutiny more maybe#hmmm you know what else I kind of wonder about too though is that maybe I get this feeling towards men I like more often than women.#I am attracted to more real women than fictional ones and way more fictional men than real ones#and I don't only have the TSundere Response for people I am attracted to— I was kind of tsundere with my cat but she was worse#but I feel like out of the personalities that bring this out in me there is some trend towards male.#women I typically have this overwhelming sense of 'ANYONE would feel this way; looking at her. listening to her'#whereas if i like a guy it's usu. like 'damn I hope I'm not the only one'#so the numbers may be being impacted by multiple sources#there was a very beautiful young woman in my highschool English class that I completely avoided for this reason#you know what's funny I have a horrible softspot bitchy women I pretend not to have#i know too much and won't get involved on any level with a mean person ... but man do I feel so permissive with a beautiful bitch 😂😂#I feel so indulgent to my soul anout things women do sometimes that I would NEVER put up with from a man for a second#and I always suppress this tendency but it is so pervasive#so anyway I'm not tsundere towards women mostly I think it's cute when they are#but boy oh boy am I not in to tsundere behavior in a dude.#this is what 'if you think I'm holding a woman with big brown eyes accountable for Anything you've got another thing coming' means to me#these are only trends not absolutes. I would never hold Tantai Jin accountable for anything so 😂 it's not entirely a gendered thing for me#But the person I think of most is Regina in Once Upon A Time#I was enamored from the moment she walked in as the rigid; bitchy; single-mom 'madam mayor'#oh man but she made me feel crazy. unhinged#and so so willing to let her do anything#i didn't want her to do evil I wanted her redeemed. but I just Loved it when she was a bitch#😍🫣#regarding the tsundere thing; there is a range possible of how much someone brings this to the surface for me#sometimes it's just a little. I still resent it at nearly full price.
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my biggest goal is to make friends rn and the only people interested in being my friend are men like I should just kill myself
#is this a red flag for me#but UGH I’m not interested in being friends or even friendly with men at ALL#only person who I talk to in class is a guy that won’t leave me alone and he’s nice but…YOURE NOT A GIRL IDC#another guy has a crush on me at work and I’m politely ignoring it like PLEASEEEEE LET ME CLOCK IN AND OUT#my last job that I quit on the spot was partially (admittedly very small) because of another dude pulling the same shit#LEAVE ME ALONE#I am not even THINKING about romantic connections until I get more friends#like I need SOCIETY
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I'm so fucking tired and sick rn I might actually start crying
#my mom's like You have to go its your responsibility#dude it's not even my class its not even like they pass list i wont take any of that they'll say because IM FALLING SLEEP AND FEEL LIKE CRAP#and itll cost me seven hours of the day that i could use to recover from insomnia#im sorry you have a Job™ you have to go when you dont sleep but the only thing i win by going are points of morality by catholic punishment#and i dont want that shit i want to sleep#ughhhhhhhh#im actually crying at this point
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